Expedition: Anywhere

In 2016, I gave up my apartment. I gave away almost everything I owned. I put the rest in storage and reduced my life to two duffel bags.

On December 31st, I flew to Mexico City and spent my first new years away from home. Away from friends and family. Away from everything I’d ever known.

In month one, I went on a side trip to Cuba and pissed off everyone I traveled with.

In month two, I took an ill-advised road trip through Colombia and, at one point, genuinely feared for my life.

In month three, I got into a drunk screaming match with someone over a game of tejo, causing a rift in a friendship that would take months to repair.

In month four, I said something terrible to someone in anger and alienated myself from many people in my Meraki tribe.

In month five, I froze my ass off in a cabin in the Argentine Sierras.

I month six, I had to dip into my savings while trying to afford life in Buenos Aires. I paid over $800 in bribes to get a laptop out of customs.

In month seven, I had an incident at work that was so catastrophic I thought I was going to be fired.

In month eight, I suffered multiple fractures of the distal humerus–I shattered my elbow.

In month nine, I had two plates and seventeen screws surgically implanted in my arm.

In month ten, I had my heart broken.

In month eleven, I went on a weekend bender so bad I don’t remember half of it.

And in month twelve, I had to say goodbye to so many people that had become my family over the previous 11 months.

2017 was arguably the worst year of my life.

——

In month one, I had the most amazing meal of my life at Quintonil. I visited Cuba and got to experience its majestic beauty along with the darkness of its past. I helped make someone cry in the best way. I ate ants and crickets. I drank on a bus.

In month two, I road-tripped to Barranquilla for Carnival and dove into the sights and sounds of a Latin American festival. I got to see and experience the diverse landscape that is Colombia; mountains, jungles, deserts, and beaches. I met dozens of people from other Remote Year groups and made some lifelong friends. I got sprayed in the face with foam. I got drunk at a pool party. I drank on a bus.

In month three, I went on a jungle hike. I spent a weekend in Cartagena. I partied on a boat. I climbed over 700 steps to one of the most incredible vistas I’veever seen atop Guatape. I rode on top of a hippie van. I drank on a bus.

In month four, I hiked Machu Picchu. I surfed down a sand dune. I saw the sun set over the Pacific Ocean. I stood on a man-made island constructed of nothing but reeds. I ate more ceviche in 28 days than many people will in their entire lifetime, and it was all amazing. I saw a canyon twice as deep as the Grand Canyon. I saw condors up close. I ate guinea pig and alpaca. I drank on a bus.

In month five, I solidified a friendship that will last undoubtedly last for the rest of my life. I drank amazing wines. I hiked through the Sierras. I learned new knife skills. I was taken in by a local family for an evening. I ate empanadas. I drank on a bus.

In month six, I danced on a rooftop. I enjoyed a wine tour in Mendoza. I took a ferry to another country just for the passport stamp. I snuck into a abandoned bullfighting arena, and it was awe-inspiring. I touched snow in June. I drank on a bus.

In month seven, I drove four hours one-way just to find bratwurst for July 4th. I road tripped through Germany, Austria, and Italy. I watched the sun set over the backdrop of Prague from a hilltop beer garden. I had a love affair with Becherovka. I saw castles. I drank beer. Lots and lots of beer. I drank on a bus.

In month eight, I explored a multi-millennia-old castle. I kayaked. I danced in the rain. I jumped into a river. I finally watched game of thrones, and I stood where Khaleesi stood. I partied on another boat! I was reminded about the spirit of remote year when everyone from different groups came together to help me when I needed it most. I drank on a bus.

In month nine, I found a new surrogate family. I made all new friends. I was taken in by good people. I felt loved. I made a triumphant return to my Meraki family and I felt whole again. I drank on a bus.

In month ten, I witnessed someone I love find her happiness. I discovered the wonders of Asia. I changed my mind about a great many things. I ate durian. I made new friends. I dined in the dark. I rotated atop one of the tallest buildings in the world. I drank on a bus.

In month eleven, I saw lanterns float across the sky by the thousands. I ate all the khao soi. I ate lots of Mexican food, believe it or not. I ate many toasties. I never drank a small Chang. I partied on another boat! I took over an island (it wasn’t an island). I made more new friends. I went to a creativity workshop. I had duck for Thanksgiving dinner. I was an accomplice in stealing a golf cart. I drank on a bus.

In month twelve, I cried. I laughed. I reminisced. I walked through random doors and found amazing hole-in-the-wall bars. I ate sushi. I ate gyoza. I drank free beer. I finally went to the workspace. I helped publish a yearbook. I celebrated Christmas with fifty of the best friends anyone could ever hope to have. I played with deer. I saw cosmic Buddha. I saw Mount Fuji with my own two eyes. I rang in a new year. I drank on a bus.

2017 was undeniably the best year of my life, and I am forever grateful to everyone who shaped me, molded me, kicked me, and pushed me to make this all possible, from my parents on forward.

——

Countries – 17
Cities – 36
Flights taken – 36
Flights missed – 6
Buses – 12
Ferries – 2
Party Boats – 4
Rental Cars – 3
Beds – 42

——

I probably shouldn’t be allowed on buses.

I was enjoying the view of Korcula from the top of our boat. The stars were out, it was dark, the old city was beautiful. A can of local beer was in my hand, being sipped slowly as the beer gods intended.

This wasn’t my first beer, nor would it be my last, but this beer was just as special as all the others. It had one job in its existence, to get in my belly. And I failed it.

As I toppled over a protrusion on the deck, I tried with all my might to save it. But alas, as I lay there in agony, all I could do was watch the last few drops of golden manna spill out of the can and flow away into the night.

We rushed to the hospital, but upon arrival, was told there was no x-ray machine, and it was a one hour drive to the nearest trauma center in Split. Not wasting any time, we got in a cab and began the journey.

After x-rays, and a consult with a specialist, I was told my arm was broken and would need surgery. “What about my beer?” I asked. They were not amused.

Since that night, it’s been a whirlwind. A drive back to Korcula, some drug fueled sleep on the boat, frantic planning to get the hell out of Croatia were those bastard doctors didn’t even care about my beer, and now I just landed in Prague, where they definitely care about their beer, and their doctors and hospitals are some of the best in Europe.

What I know right now:

• I have a facture of the humerus
• It will require an open reduction surgery
• It will require a minimum 4 day hospital stay and months of recovery
• The beer didn’t make it

Obviously, this all sucks. The pain has been miserable. Not being able to do things on my own is frustrating. Not yet knowing when surgery will take place or what the outcome will be is nerve wracking.

On the other hand, the positive outpouring has been astounding. One of my friends (Candy) and the boat rep (Peter) went all the way to the hospital in Split with me and back. Candy cut her vacation plans short and took an overnight bus from Dubrovnik to Split wth me. Matt, from another RY tribe took care of the luggage we left in Split and gave us a place to rest after the bus. Then Candy flew with me back to Prague. My fellow Meraki covered the cost of the flight, and another remote (a different Matt) from yet another tribe is putting us up for 10 days in Prague.

Throughout this traumatic experience, the strength, unity, and heart of this entire remote year nation has done everything in its power to make this a better experience.

I’ve been asked so many times “Why are you doing this? It would be do much cheaper on your own.” Well, this is why. This community constantly amazes me, surprises me, downright blows me away.

Thank you to all of you who made this experience suck less for me. It’s going to get worse before it gets better, but I know it’ll be fine with you guys by my side.

Six months. Six months of new experiences. Six months of brilliance. Six months of torture. Six months of personal breakthroughs. Six months of loneliness. Six months of fun, enlightenment, friendship, and ecstasy. Six months of hardship, anguish, despair, and banality.

That’s a lot of shit right there. I know you’re thinking I’m being dramatic, so I’ll try to explain.

Day 1 in a new city is incredible. It’s incredibly good and it’s incredibly bad. You arrive, tired after a day of travel, and if you’re any friend of mine, also a couple of drinks. You’re tired and you just want to go home and be comfortable, but home is someplace new. If it was a hotel, it would be easier, because hotels all over the world have the same amenities, the same layouts, the same mattresses, the same sheets, the same boring as fuck everything. They’re meant for you to feel at home, at least if you frequent hotels. Instead, you’re in a new apartment. Someone’s home, or former home, or at least a temporary home. There’s no standard layout, no courtesy phone to dial zero by the bedside, no desk near the window, no mini-fridge with pilot bottles of vodka to settle in with (although that’s a business idea RY should consider). Instead, you have to start getting used to the intricacies of a new home, a new culture, right away. What do you mean you can’t flush the toilet paper here? What the fuck is this thing next to the toilet that sprays water straight up (it’s a bidet, by the way) and where’s the towel so you can wipe it off your face (that didn’t happen to me, I swear)? You have to shower in less than three minutes or the water turns to ice? Ugh, someone check me into the Hilton.

Day 2. OK, time to venture out. You go buy the things you need. Soap (how do you say soap in this language?), toothpaste, eggs, bread, yogurt, jelly, peanut butter. Wait, they don’t have peanut butter here. THEY DON’T HAVE PEANUT BUTTER HERE? What kind of backwater, third world, heathen society did you just get into? How can a society survive without peanut butter? And holy shit, they have peanuts! What are they doing with their lives? OK, you’ve gotten past this little snag, they have Nutella. That’ll do for a month. You can survive. Dammit, you don’t understand this currency. The blue bill was a fifty last month, now it’s a five. That green twenty used to be a five-thousand. You look like an idiot, but you figure it out. You grossly overpay. Provisions acquired. You go home. But you’re sure as hell not eating any of that tonight. You just got here, you’re going out to try some new food, new restaurants. This is amazing. You can make chicken this way? What kind of booze is this? Do you care? Nope, keep drinking. Day 2, success.

Day 3. It’s Monday, jackass. Get up, have a Gatorade (you did buy that yesterday, right?), and go to work. Yep, this isn’t vacation, you have to earn your living somehow. Shower, get to the workspace (if that’s your jam), and buckle down, because your boss, while sympathetic and cool, really doesn’t give a shit that you just traveled X-hundred miles or that you’re hungover. You signed up for this voluntarily, get to work, dammit. Lunch time! New places, new experiences, give me all the new flavors! You screwed up the currency again though, probably overpaid. Work more. Dinner time, yay, new places, new experiences, give me all the new flavors again! You’ve almost got a handle on the currency by now, you think to yourself, as a cab driver rips you off.

Day 4. Work again, same lunch experiences. It’s almost like a routine already. Who knew amazing could be routine? City orientation after work, that’ll be fun. Learn about the city, meet the city team, start planning your month, and then get plastered afterwards with your group of the closest, most amazing, most interesting seventy-plus friends you’ve ever had in your life because you have to handle the anxiety of this month and all it has to offer somehow.

Days 5-14. Work. Events. Tons of events. RY does nothing if not keep you busy. There are events RY plans for you. There are events other Remotes plan. Sometimes there are even events you plan. Local experiences, talks, tastings, dinners, drinks, hiking, climbing, surfing, drinking, wandering, sunsetting, picnicing–if you can think it, you can do it somewhere. Except find peanut butter, because fucking peanut butter. Real life doesn’t stop though, but that’s the point of working remotely, really. You wish you could do all those things all the time, but there’s still work, and laundry, and haircuts, and you realize how much money you’re spending on eating out, so you cook a few meals at home. Oh, and you’ve already thrown out half the groceries from Day 2 because you never ate them, because you were busy with events, so you buy new groceries.

Day 15. It’s been two weeks, and you’ve been running around so much with work and events that you haven’t talked to anyone at home since arriving. You call your brother, sister, mom, dad, girlfriend, boyfriend, whatever it is you do, really, and you remember how far away you are from them, and how much you miss them, and how much you miss home, and how much you miss pizza, and a cheeseburger, and peanut butter, and working from a real desk, and being able to do laundry the same way every week, and not having to pull up Google Translate to get a haircut. It’s a good thing Day 15 is a Saturday, because working today would seriously suck. But, there’s more events to do, more things to see, more foods to taste, and vistas to absorb. So get off your ass and do it!

Day 16. It’s Sunday. You recover from your hangover from last night, and get brunch. Or maybe you just stay home. A day off. Sleep in. Watch Netflix. Order in with Uber Eats or whatever the local delivery company is in this peanut-butter-less amazing shithole jewel of a city you’ve wound up in. Wow, this is comfortable. Maybe you’ll do this all week.

Days 17-21. OK, you did this all week. Routine has set in. Banality. It’s like you’re used to being in this new city, you don’t even miss peanut butter. You’ve accepted that your clothes come back from the laundromat smelling like coconut, and that you have to take out your bathroom trash regularly so it doesn’t smell like used toilet paper.

Days 22-27. You realize you’re only here for a few more days. You go to the farewell party. You go to all the places you’ve been saying you’ve wanted to go to, but didn’t have time because you were too busy futilely looking for a PB&J on Uber Eats. You recover from a few more hangovers. You check your bank account and sob. How the hell can you spend so much money in a third world, backwater, shithole, amazing, jewel of a city? But who cares? You saw a new city. You experienced it with amazing people. You tasted new foods, and scaled new mountains, and tasted new flavors, and woke up in entirely new beds, and it was fucking fabulous.

Day 28. You pack, take a nap, go out and drink all the local booze you can find because who knows when you’ll get to drink it again. You cry a bit because you’re going to miss the new local friends you’ve made, but you’ll be back, you swear. This has been the best month of your life, except for maybe last month, or possibly next month. Maybe they’ll have peanut butter in the city next month?

Day 29/Day 1. Start over. Repeat 11 times.

“Life always begins with one step outside of your comfort zone.”
― Shannon L. Alder

“Sometimes we have to step out of our comfort zones. We have to break the rules. And we have to discover the sensuality of fear. We need to face it, challenge it, dance with it.”
― Kyra Davis

“Never say ‘no’ to adventures. Always say ‘yes’, otherwise you’ll lead a very dull life.”
― Ian Fleming